HOW??!??!

Some months ago now I was chatting with a fellow science student, and in the course of the conversation, mentioned that I am highly allergic to latex rubber. Her immediate reaction was ask about my sex life. I said that it had no effect, as I have no need for condoms; I don't have sex. Thinking I meant I simply abstained for my health, she started talking about how she couldn't ever do that, she lacked the self control. I had to point out to her that it is easy to not have sex when you didn't know what you missing out on. That took a minute to sink in, and then her jaw hit the floor and her eyes popped open so far I'm surprised they didn't fall out of her head and roll across the floor.

Apparently it is more shocking to hear an adult is a virgin than it is to hear a child isn't. A child (I'm meaning very early early teens) having sex is sad, and a bit of a worry, but an adult not doing it, that's just plain unheard of.

The next question was "how?" the answer to that I would have thought was fairly self explanatory, but I will answer it any way.

I have spent 8 of the nine years since high school working in floristry, an industry dominated by women, with a scattering of men who are either gay or old enough not to have their manhood challenged by the presence of daisies, which is far too old for me. To enhance this effect, for 7 of those years I have also been working for/with my mother, and who wants to flirt in front of their mummy? What about meeting a guy on the job you may be asking? They are in the flower shop because they already have girlfriends.

So, my ability to meet new and interesting males has been limited.

I started going to church when I was twenty, and so got to meet lots of new people. But, this is not a place to meet guys, not really. They tend to get married young so, unless you are young too, there aren't likely to be many in your age group still unattached. There was also this ridiculous gender based segregation thing. The home groups were all separated on these grounds after I had been going for a bout a year, which I was really gutted about, as in a mixed group I had opportunities to talk to men without social/romantic pressure being a factor, which I felt i needed to do more of, as I live a female dominant life outside of the church.

That was pretty much it. I have one male friend, who is not also a relative of some kind, which makes men weird and unknown creatures I have only read about in books and seen in zoos.

You might have imagined that enrolling in university last year would widen my social circle to include males, but oddly no. This is partly because i am shy ans find it hard to make friends, regardless of gender, but also because I am an "adult student" and find most of the male students are far too young to be interesting, even at a platonic level as, let's face it, to me they are just little boys, and little boys are dicks.

I think that just about covers the reasons why i have remained a virgin into my mid twenties. But, in this country it is perfectly common place for kids to be at it before they reach high school, so that isn't the whole story.

I don't know exactly when I made the decision, or what if any significant factors lead me to do it, but I always knew fora pretty young age, that I wouldn't be having sex with just anyone, and probably not until I was married.

I realized vary early on that sex involved being very open and very trusting with your partner. There was no way on Earth I was going to even consider doing it with someone who was just my boyfriend, because if he was only a boyfriend, then I couldn't trust it if he said he loved me, it could be a trick to get in my pants.

- I should point out that I did NOT have a sheltered childhood, and was all too aware of how horrid and selfish people can be, particularly men, and particularly in regards to sex. You could say I traumatised, but at least I had street smarts.

Any way...

I thought about the whole sex thing a lot in my teens, not only because of y age, but because of what my friends and my mother were doing, and the lessons I learned just from watching them fall to pieces again and again, even though I warned them not to do whatever it was they were doing.

I decided that if I ever loved and trusted a man so much that I would desire to take all my clothes off and share my body with him, then I might as well marry him, because clearly he would have to be pretty awesome.

This was not a decision made with any parental, social or religious beliefs playing an influential role. This was something I decided all on my own.

Do I regret my choice?

Nah. Perhaps if I had been more into boys in my teens I would have a different life now, but then I actually like my life, I like who I am. When it comes to sex I don't feel that I am missing out on anything, so I have nothing to regret.